my sister passed away this year so I feel you on the grief coming out of nowhere 💛
Earlier this year I was cleaning her old computer keyboard and just started balling crying - like I was mourning the dirt marks on the keys - like it was another part of her that was now gone.
Big hugs. My father passed on Christmas Eve and I echo the strangeness of how and when the grief hits you ... and how that shifts over time although I still feel so young in this journey. When my newest book came out, I was thrilled to take it on a virtual book tour and excited about so much ... and then it randomly hit me in the middle of a day that this will be the first book of mine that my dad will not sit down at a coffee shop and read. It threw me for days.
Last week, I began graduate school again and someone confused about whether I was student or faculty sparked a memory of something only my dad would understand and I almost texted him until I remembered. But this time, there was something sweet about the way that I knew what he would say even though he wasn't here to say it.
I can't speak to the stepdad thing and just empathize with how that adds another layer. I can say that my dad and I had a complicated relationship and that factors in for me. And also when you mentioned the "your dad" thing, it made me think of a friend's family who is four (adult) kids with the same mom and dad but from a different culture so they always say "your mom" or "my dad" in their conversations with each other even though in our language/experience we would say "our mom" or just "Dad." The language both matters and doesn't ... and I'm so sorry that this is a hard part for you to work through in an already hard time.
Okay, I didn't intend to get so personal. Perhaps there was a personal connection I felt in your lovely introduction video to Substack. Out of curiosity I wandered over here... now I really am hooked.
I lost my stepdad too. The guy who raised me as if I were his daughter, when I wasn't quite 30. Family relationships ARE complicated, VERY complicated.
Somehow, it's when we lose our parents — whenever it is we lose them — that we're forced to really look at these relationships to understand them in a way that we'll take into our own futures.
It's now over 30 years since I lost my own step dad. I'm now older than he was then. It still aches. In part, it hurts that I'd hardly had a chance to get to know him as an adult.
You've written with candor and depth about the experience in a way that will serve you well in life. I know I'm touched, and can see you'll pass this gift of love to others. Thank you for sharing this moment. I'm sure it was hard, love is that way, isn't it.
💔 We heal, usually stronger in the places that were torn from us. Thank you.
my sister passed away this year so I feel you on the grief coming out of nowhere 💛
Earlier this year I was cleaning her old computer keyboard and just started balling crying - like I was mourning the dirt marks on the keys - like it was another part of her that was now gone.
Big hugs. My father passed on Christmas Eve and I echo the strangeness of how and when the grief hits you ... and how that shifts over time although I still feel so young in this journey. When my newest book came out, I was thrilled to take it on a virtual book tour and excited about so much ... and then it randomly hit me in the middle of a day that this will be the first book of mine that my dad will not sit down at a coffee shop and read. It threw me for days.
Last week, I began graduate school again and someone confused about whether I was student or faculty sparked a memory of something only my dad would understand and I almost texted him until I remembered. But this time, there was something sweet about the way that I knew what he would say even though he wasn't here to say it.
I can't speak to the stepdad thing and just empathize with how that adds another layer. I can say that my dad and I had a complicated relationship and that factors in for me. And also when you mentioned the "your dad" thing, it made me think of a friend's family who is four (adult) kids with the same mom and dad but from a different culture so they always say "your mom" or "my dad" in their conversations with each other even though in our language/experience we would say "our mom" or just "Dad." The language both matters and doesn't ... and I'm so sorry that this is a hard part for you to work through in an already hard time.
Okay, I didn't intend to get so personal. Perhaps there was a personal connection I felt in your lovely introduction video to Substack. Out of curiosity I wandered over here... now I really am hooked.
I lost my stepdad too. The guy who raised me as if I were his daughter, when I wasn't quite 30. Family relationships ARE complicated, VERY complicated.
Somehow, it's when we lose our parents — whenever it is we lose them — that we're forced to really look at these relationships to understand them in a way that we'll take into our own futures.
It's now over 30 years since I lost my own step dad. I'm now older than he was then. It still aches. In part, it hurts that I'd hardly had a chance to get to know him as an adult.
You've written with candor and depth about the experience in a way that will serve you well in life. I know I'm touched, and can see you'll pass this gift of love to others. Thank you for sharing this moment. I'm sure it was hard, love is that way, isn't it.
💔 We heal, usually stronger in the places that were torn from us. Thank you.
Beautiful, Christina. Sending you love.